Only on Slashdot…

The president, in his infinite wisdom, plans to create a senior-level ‘Piracy Czar’ post at the White House. Slashdot comments were swift and poignant:

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Turmoil has engulfed the world. The regulation of IP trade with outlying countries is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly lawyers, the greedy Corporate Interests has stopped all shipping to the nation of China. While the WTO endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, the President has secretly dispatched two Elite Programmers, the guardians of peace and justice in the world, to settle the conflict….

Episode II: Attack of the Regulations

There is unrest in the WTO. Several dozen nations have declared their intentions to defeat planned regulations. This separatist movement,
under the leadership of the mysterious Count Johansen, has made it difficult for the limited
number of Elite Programmers to maintain IP control in the world. Representative Wen Jiabao, the former primier of China, is returning to the WTO to vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF LAWYERS to assist the overwhelmed Programmers…

Episode III: Revenge of the Corporations

Trade War! The WTO is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Pirate, Count Johansen. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish pirate leader, General Brocious, has swept into the American capital and copied the entire MPAA archives. As the Pirate Army attempts to flee the country with their valuable contents, two Elite Programmers lead a desperate mission to protect the intellectual property….

Episode IV: A New Hope

It is a period of trade war. Chinese pirates, striking from a hidden internet connection, have won their first victory against the evil American Empire. During the battle, Chinese spies managed to steal secret plans to America’s ultimate weapon, DRM, an encrypted media link with enough legislative power behind it to destroy an entire fair use system. Pursued by America’s sinister agents, Princess Hua Ching races to /home on her computer, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her data and restore fair use to the world.

Episode V: America Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Pirates. Although the DRM has been cracked, American troops have driven the Pirate forces from their hidden
internet cafes and pursued them across the world. Evading the dreaded American Lawsuits, a group of freedom fighters led by Crazney
has established a new secret base on the remote ice country of Norway. The evil lord George Bush, obsessed with finding young Crazney, has dispatched thousands of remote packet sniffers into the far reaches of IPV4 space…

Episode VI: Return of Fair Use

Crazney has returned to his home country of Australia in an attempt to rescue his friend Professor Felten from the clutches of the vile gangster Mitch Bainwol. Little does Crazney know that the AMERICAN EMPIRE has secretly begun development on a DRM method even more powerful than the first dreaded DRM. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of pirates struggling to restore fair use to the world…